'SNL' mocks Kristi Noem's firing in cold open – 'I self-deported'

"Saturday Night Live" is saying farewell toKristi Noem.

USA TODAY

The show opened its March 7 episode with a sketch addressingPresident Donald Trump'sfiring of Noem as Department of Homeland Security secretary.

In the sketch, Colin Jost playedSecretary of Defense Pete Hegseth, who announced during the mock press briefing that Noem "has been reassigned under the bus."Ashley Padillastarred as Noem, who then entered to give some parting remarks.

"I just want to make it clear that I didn't get fired," she said. "I self-deported. And though I may be leaving this job, I will not be ending my mission. As I told my plastic surgeon, the work is never done. But I gave my all to the DHS, and I have no regrets, because like they say, you miss 100% of the dogs you don't shoot."

'SNL' cold open:NBC's sketch comedy show takes on Iran attacks and Khamenei killing

Trump announced in a Truth Social post on March 5 that Republican Sen. Markwayne Mullin of Oklahoma will succeed Noem as Homeland Security secretary, effective March 31. The move came afterlawmakers grilled Noem on a number of topics, includinga $220 million ad campaignthat prominently featured her. Noem said she had discussed the campaign with Trump and he approved it, but Trump told Reuters he "never knew anything about it."

In the cold open, Padilla's Noem also said that it's "bittersweet" to have to turn in her "badge, gun, lips, lashes, teeth and forehead," adding that her new office will be in a "WeWork space outside of Denver."

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The rest of the opening sketch featured Jost as Hegseth taking questions about the U.S. military operation in Iran.

"We're treating Iran like the breathalyzer in my car and blowing it the hell up," he declared.

Ashley Padilla as Kristi Noem on "Saturday Night Live" on Jan. 17, 2026.

Jost's Hegseth later took issue with a reporter describing the conflict as a war, asking, "Who ever called this a war, except maybe the president a couple of times accidentally?"

"Project Hail Mary" starRyan Goslinghosted, returning to "SNL" for the fourth time with musical guest Gorillaz.

Who's hosting 'SNL' next?

"SNL" will be back with another new episode next week, hosted byHarry Styles. The singer, fresh off his new album "Kiss All the Time. Disco, Occasionally," is also serving as the musical guest.

Ahead of his episode, Styles made a surprise appearance in the audience during Gosling's monologue, in which the "Barbie" actor jokingly acted like he was thrown off and distracted by the Grammy winner's presence.

Contributing: Bart Jansen

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY:'SNL' cold open tackles Trump firing of Kristi Noem

'SNL' mocks Kristi Noem's firing in cold open – 'I self-deported'

"Saturday Night Live" is saying farewell toKristi Noem. The show opened its March 7 episode with a ...
Deion Sanders delivers eulogy for Colorado QB: 'Dom was chosen to unite y'all'

Colorado footballcoachDeion Sandersdelivered a eulogy for quarterbackDominiq Ponderon Saturday, March 7, telling Ponder's family, friends and teammates that Ponder was "chosen" by God to unite themafter dying in a car accident March 1at age 23.

USA TODAY Sports

Sanders gave the final tribute, speaking for about four minutes at a memorial service for Ponder on the university campus in Boulder.

He asked a big question: Why did this have to happen?

"When we're successful and we're excelling and we're overcoming adversity, we never ask God why then," Sanders said. "But only in our demise and the sadness of life, we challenge and ask God why. I think I got the solution. Because as I look right there and look at a young man that was so full of life, full of respect, hustle and hard work and integrity… God, for real? And He whispered, `Dom was chosen.' Dom was chosen to unite y'all. Dom was chosen to bring you together. Dom was chosen to override all ethnicities, social climates, background and ideologies and thought process. Dom was chosen."

'I'm struggling with this,' Pat Shurmur says at memorial

Ponders' death stunned his teama day before the Buffaloes began spring practice March 2. After playing high school football in Florida, Ponder redshirted at Bethune-Cookman in 2023 before arriving atColoradoas a non-scholarship quarterback in 2024. He only appeared in two games in 2025 as the team's fourth-string quarterback.

But his big smile and personality touched the lives of many, including former Colorado offensive coordinatorPat Shurmur, who was asked to return to campus to speak about Ponder on Saturday after his contract expired in January.

"I'm struggling with this," Shurmur said at the memorial, which was also livestreamed online.

Ponder's father notes the significance of No. 7

Shurmur said Ponder inspired him and recalled Ponder's "bright smile." He said he said he could talk about him "for days" and noted he graded players in different categories on a scale of zero to five.

"He's all fives," Shurmur said of Ponder.

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He also was No. 7, as his father Wendell told the congregants. He previously wore jersey No. 22 at Colorado but hadearned the right to wear No. 7 for the first timewhen spring practice started March 2, the day after he died.

"Seven serves as a stamp of God," Wendell Ponder said. "The seven is mentioned in the Bible — the number seven — over 700 times. Seven represents perfection, completion and fulfillment. It signifies God's complete work, something finished, the way God intended. Now you were all number seven. Dom was with all of you. Forever. Amen."

'This should have never happened,' Ponder's sister says

AGoFundMe pagehas been created to help Ponder's family with funeral expenses and had raised more than $14,000 by Saturday afternoon. His mother Catrina also spoke at the memorial and read a written tribute from his younger sister, Monroe, who stood on stage as she read it.

"My brother was one of the funniest, most outgoing people you could ever meet," Monroe said through her mother. "He laughed at everything. He made jokes about everything. And if he was comfortable with you, you definitely saw his weird side. He would say the most random, corny things and somehow make them hilarious."

She said she talked to him every day and wanted to be like him.

"You were an amazing big brother, and I honestly don't know what I'm gonna do without you," she said. "This should have never happened, but I know you're OK. I know you're up there smiling, probably already telling jokes, probably fighting for that starting position in heaven. And I feel so honored that I got to be your little sister. I love you."

Sanders appeared to get emotional at one point during his final tribute when he spoke again about how parents send their children to college to grow into adults,not to never come back.

"Your parents sent you here and you chose to come here to evolve into a man, not to not make it back home," Sanders said. "But Dom… was chosen. God bless you."

Follow reporter Brent Schrotenboer@Schrotenboer. Email: bschrotenb@usatoday.com

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY:Deion Sanders delivers eulogy for Colorado QB Dominiq Ponder who died

Deion Sanders delivers eulogy for Colorado QB: 'Dom was chosen to unite y'all'

Colorado footballcoachDeion Sandersdelivered a eulogy for quarterbackDominiq Ponderon Saturday, March 7, telling Ponder...
Daniel Berger maintains lead in rainy day at Arnold Palmer Invitational

Daniel Berger shot even-par through 15 holes to maintain the lead in the weather-interrupted Arnold Palmer Invitational on Saturday in Orlando.

Field Level Media

Berger will carry a two-shot lead into play Sunday on the Bay Hill Club course, where he'll have a busy day.

He's at 13 under for the tournament, with Akshay Bhatia, his playing partner, at 11 under after finishing the 16th hole with a birdie. Bhatia is at 3 under in the third round.

"Just need to keep doing what I'm doing," Bhatia said. "It's fun to be in the hunt."

Austria's Sepp Straka shot 66 to move to 9 under, while Cameron Young's 67 also put him at 9 under. Collin Morikawa also holds a 9-under mark after finishing with 70 by completing the final round after the horn.

Australia's Min Woo Lee (68) finished the round at 8 under.

Berger took a five-stroke lead into the weekend. He and Bhatia have multiple holes to finish in the third round before waiting to start their final rounds.

"It's going to be a mental challenge," Bhatia said. "It's going to be nice to come out, play a couple holes, and then go back, eat breakfast and then go through my routine."

A 66-minute weather delay in the afternoon put the round off schedule.

Young said he expects movement on the leaderboard, but how that shakes out is uncertain.

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"Any time you get a golf course this difficult, and this many good players within a couple shots of each other," Young said. "After Daniel, there's a ton of guys I think between -7 and -9. There's so many good players, any one of them could take a really difficult golf course and make it look easy. So, I wouldn't expect a ton of low scores (Sunday)."

Morikawa said it will be interesting to assess the top of the leaderboard after all golfers complete the third round Sunday morning. He won't have to swing a club until later in the day.

"Just being able to wake up and sleep in, and just kind of get the day situated, it's a huge kind of momentum thing I think for the routine, especially teeing off pretty late," Morikawa said.

Straka liked the conditions after the delay.

"The greens were definitely a little slower, a little more receptive," he said.

Scottie Scheffler (72), the world's No. 1 golfer, had four consecutive birdies as part of a 5 under stretch across six holes on the backside before a double-bogey on the final hole.

"I think the rain created a little bit of friction to where your ball was more rolling I think instead of kind of skidding is how I would describe it," Scheffler said.

Four bogeys on the front nine also were costly, so he's at 3 under.

Rory McIlroy of Northern Ireland withdrew prior to the third round citing a back injury. He had rounds of 72 and 68 to begin the tournament.

--Field Level Media

Daniel Berger maintains lead in rainy day at Arnold Palmer Invitational

Daniel Berger shot even-par through 15 holes to maintain the lead in the weather-interrupted Arnold Palmer Invitatio...
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The Emmy Award-winning "CBS News Sunday Morning" is broadcast on CBS Sundays beginning at 9:00 a.m. ET.  "Sunday Morning" alsostreams on the CBS News appbeginning at 11:00 a.m. ET. (Download it here.)

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Left: The Apple II, designed and built by Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak by the end of 1976, was the first mass-marketed personal computer. Right: The newly-released iPhone 17e, photographed at an Apple Store in New York City, March 4, 2026. / Credit: Photos by SSPL, Timothy A. Clary/AFP via Getty Images)

COVER STORY: Apple turns 50, in a world it helped createIn 1971, the origin story of Apple began with the friendship of engineering prodigy Steve Wozniak and computer enthusiast Steve Jobs. The machine they built and sold five years later would lead to what became the first trillion-dollar company. David Pogue, author of the new history "Apple: The First 50 Years," talks with Wozniak, CEO Tim Cook, and others about how the tech company's products and services have reshaped life, technology and culture in the 21st century.

LIVE EVENT: Join us asLee Cowan talks with David Pogueabout his new book, "Apple: The First 50 Years," at the 92nd Street Y in New York City, Thurs., April 16 at 8 p.m. Tickets are available forin-personorstreaming access.

For more info:

"Apple: The First 50 Years"by David Pogue (Simon & Schuster), in Hardcover, eBook and Audio formats, available March 10 viaAmazon,Barnes & NobleandBookshop.orgApple.comPaola Antonelli, senior curator, Department of Architecture and Design, Museum of Modern Art, New York City

ALMANAC: March 8Sunday Morning" looks back at historical events on this date.

WORLD: Iran: How we got hereDavid Martin reports.

WORLD: Uncertainty deepens over Iran as U.S. and Israeli attacks continueAmerican and Israeli attacks on the Islamic Republic of Iran that killed the Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, prompting retaliatory strikes across the region, are the latest chapter in a nearly half-century stand-off between Tehran and Washington. "Sunday Morning" national correspondent Robert Costa talks with New Yorker writer Robin Wright about Iran's history and ambitions, and about President Trump's next steps after launching strikes.

For more info:

Robin Wright, The New Yorker"The Last Great Revolution: Turmoil and Transformation in Iran"by Robin Wright (Vintage), in Trade Paperback and eBook formats, available viaAmazon,Barnes & NobleandBookshop.org

ARTS: "Framed": Highlighting the art that surrounds artA current show at the Philadelphia Museum of Art puts the spotlight on a rarely-appreciated component of art: the picture frames that border it. Faith Salie explores the history of framing art, and talks with curator Tara Contractor and frame conservator Chris Ferguson about a craft bordering on exquisite.

For more info:

"Framed! European Picture Frames from the Johnson Collection,"at the Philadelphia Museum of Art (through April 20)

Gary Cole, Wilmer Valderrama, Sean Murray and Katrina Law in the CBS series

TV: "NCIS" at 500: Cracking the codeThe CBS procedural "NCIS," now in its 23rd season, is marking its 500th episode tracking agents of the Naval Criminal Investigative Service. But the story of how the series became the world's most-watched TV show is filled with as many twists and turns as an NCIS case itself. Luke Burbank talks with cast members Gary Cole, Brian Dietzen, Katrina Law, Sean Murray, Diona Reasonover and Wilmer Valderrama and longtime showrunner Steve Binder about the secret to the franchise's remarkable longevity.

For more info:

The 500th episode of "NCIS" airs March 24 onCBSand will stream onParamount+

PASSAGE: In memoriam"Sunday Morning" remembers some of the notable figures who left us this week.

U.S.: The persistence of hunger in AmericaThough the Trump administration has discontinued the government's annual report on food insecurity, claiming it does nothing more than "fear monger," the problem of hunger persists. On any given day, almost 48 million Americans, including nearly 14 million children, don't get enough to eat. Lee Cowan sits down with Claire Babineaux-Fontenot, the outgoing CEO of the nation's largest hunger relief organization, Feeding America, for a reality check about hunger in these United States.

For more info:

Feeding AmericaSecond Harvest Food Bank: Feeding South Louisiana

Community Food Share, Colorado

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Co-writers Viola Davis and James Patterson discuss their new novel,

BOOKS: Viola Davis and her latest co-star, author James PattersonOscar-winning actress Viola Davis often writes book-length biographies for the characters she portrays on screen. And now she's written an actual book: "Judge Stone," a courtroom thriller that touches on the lightning-rod issue of abortion, co-authored with bestselling writer James Patterson. Tracy Smith talks with Davis and Patterson about their collaboration, and how Davis' childhood ambition to be a writer fueled this latest chapter in her life.

READ AN EXCERPT:"Judge Stone" by Viola Davis & James Patterson

For more info:

"Judge Stone"by Viola Davis & James Patterson (Little, Brown), in Hardcover, Large Print Trade Paperback, eBook and Audio formats, available March 9 viaAmazon,Barnes & NobleandBookshop.orgjamespatterson.comViola Davis on Instagram

BOOKS: Former Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein talks Wall Street crises, past and futureIn his new memoir, "Streetwise," Lloyd Blankfein, the former CEO of Goldman Sachs, writes about a life that stretched from the projects of New York City to the pinnacle of Wall Street. He talks with Jo Ling Kent about his unlikely rise to the top of the C-Suite; and about accountability for the "calamitous" 2007-2008 financial crisis, as well as the prospects of new economic turmoil.

READ AN EXCERPT:"Streetwise" by Lloyd Blankfein

For more info:

"Streetwise: Getting To and Through Goldman Sachs"by Lloyd Blankfein (Penguin Press), in Hardcover, eBook and Audio formats, available viaAmazon,Barnes & NobleandBookshop.org

NATURE: Snow geese in Missouri

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MARATHON:Profiles of 2026 Oscar nominees (YouTube Video)Watch these "Sunday Morning" profiles of some of the actors and filmmakers nominated for this year's Academy Awards:

Writer-director Guillermo del Toro on "Frankenstein" Ethan Hawke on "Blue Moon" Jessie Buckley on "Hamnet" Michael B. Jordan on "Sinners" Stellan Skarsgård on "Sentimental Value" Kate Hudson on "Song Sung Blue" Jacob Elordi on "Frankenstein"

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Trump voter whose son was killed by ICE is calling for an end to "abuse and impunity"

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This week on "Sunday Morning" (March 8)

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